I am proud of how I have acclimated to Vietnamese culture and society over the past six weeks. I finally feel comfortable haggling with vendors, navigating the bustling streets, and successfully ordering a bowl of pho without ending up with a hardly-edible mystery dish. I view awestruck Western tourists with a smug contempt- for in my mind I am no longer one of them, but a true Hanoian. But every once in a while I am still struck with wonder at how different this culture is from my own, and I go back to being a mere tourist ogling at the beautiful insanity that is Viet Nam. The family wedding that I attended this past weekend returned me to this sense of bewilderment.
When I think of American weddings, I think of touching toasts, dancing, shaving creamed-getaway cars, and a few drunken mishaps by overzealous friends of the bride and groom. American weddings are personal- every aspect of the event from the guest list to the bride’s dress is tailored to fit the fiancés’ wishes. This weekend, however, rather than listening to endearing toasts about the bride and grooms’ high school days, the Vietnamese wedding was spent bringing the bride from her parents’ house to the groom’s family’s house; to “hand her off” to her new family. Unlike American weddings, this seemed less about the union of the bride and groom and more about the union of the two families.
What surprised me most was the actual marriage ceremony. It occurred while the guests were eating lunch, and few paid much attention. Some guests ate and ran, not even pausing to give a few words of congratulations to the bride and groom. It was quick and unsentimental- no tears or heartfelt vows like in the United States.
The bride and groom themselves seemed no more than nervous kids, overwhelmed by being the center of attention and by their passage to adulthood. They seemed almost like actors hired to perform these ceremonial acts- going through all the correct motions, but in a tentative, shy manner, as if they were stuck in strangers’ bodies and unsure of how to act. I’m sure that they were no less happy and in love than doe-eyed American fiancés, but then again, this was not an American wedding. Vietnamese weddings are about honoring tradition and family rather than celebrating the bride and groom’s overwhelming love for one another.
Yes, weddings in the United States are more emotional and “fun” in the traditional sense of the word, but the Vietnamese wedding was charming as well. I was overcome with joy while walking through the streets of Ho Tay with scores of jovial cousins, shiny confetti raining down over our heads. I felt welcomed and loved drinking cups of strong tea at the homes of various smiling relatives and taking photo after photo with my aunts, dressed like them in a beautiful ao dai. Although different from the Western ways to which I am accustomed, a Vietnamese wedding brings to life the strong sense of family loyalty and tradition that is at the core of Vietnamese culture.
No comments:
Post a Comment